Run, Julie, Run - The Big Question: Why?

What am I doing? Why?.... Those are the most common questions I get. Well, that's after, "What??! You're nuts!"

When I announced in my post at the beginning of March that I was going to attempt the North Face 50-mile Endurance Challenge at Bear Mountain, I said that it was my way of celebrating 10 years of breast cancer survival. That explains why I'm doing something, but it doesn't explain why do this.

Sunrise over East River
after morning speed workout

I'm not sure I have an answer to that "why". I'm not sure I can say what turned me from a pretty recent convert to running - and a completely casual runner at that - into an ultra runner-in-the-making. Into someone who will get up at 5am to go to a speed workout with a bunch of other crazy runners. Into someone who plans my social life around my runs. Into someone who has how many pairs of running shoes in current rotation?!

The challenge? To test myself? Maybe that's part, but it's not the whole thing.

When people ask why, I'm a bit confused about what to say. Trust me, I know how absurd the idea of running 50 miles is. At least with climbing there is marginally a reason: because it's there. OK, maybe that's not much of a reason, but at least the climb is going somewhere - the top, and then the bottom - safely. But running 50 miles?

I found out about the race while hiking in Bear Mountain last spring. I came upon a lot of really tired runners and someone told me she was running 50 miles. I had the perfectly sane reaction of, "wow, that's seriously crazy!" But at the same time, as I was cheering on runners I didn't know, I had another thought, "whoa, seriously cool!" I came home, googled the race to see what it was, and promptly forgot about it.

During the summer when I was interviewed for my profile in Fitness Magazine, I was asked what my next big fitness goal was. I gave a few of my favorite ideas, but I hadn't committed to any of them. I realized in that moment how I missed having a really big goal. And then from the dark recesses of my mind came, "oh, and there's this crazy race in Bear Mountain....I'm not committing, but it intrigues me."

The idea of running a 50 mile race had taken hold. I still thought it was crazy, but it continued to bounce around in my head. Without really telling anyone, I started running slightly longer distances. I found I liked running longer, and then longer distances. And I liked running longer distances in the woods by myself even better.

What is it? Yes, it's the challenge. I do like pushing myself; I like exploring the edges to see what I can do.

I like having a goal, having a big goal. I enjoy analyzing the situation to see what I need to improve, making a plan for how to make those improvements, and carrying out the plan (even with all the little delays and failures). There's something orderly and comforting about making all the little steps that get me to the goal.

And I like that it's such a completely absurd goal. Maybe it's the iconoclast in me that wants change ideas about what's possible. I mean it when I say that none of us should be limited by our disease, our treatment, or our survival. None of us - and that includes me! (no, I don't expect anyone else to follow suit by running 50 miles. I just hope to encourage anyone to do whatever it is that you dream of.)

Of course, it's such an absurd goal that if I can't do it, who will fault me? I mean, who expects anyone to run 50 miles?

Along the way toward this goal, I've found many unexpected pleasures: friends, love from so many sources (a huge thank you to all who reached out to me here and on the Life-Cise Forum page when I hit a low spot!!!), tremendous beauty, and space and time for my brain to wander. Yes, there's a lot of mind-wandering to be done on a 6 or 7 hr. long run!

I fear that I have failed in explaining the why. It's all of these things and none of these things. I'm doing it because the idea took hold in my brain. I'm doing it because I can eat pretty much anything I want when I'm burning 3000 calories in a run.

I'm doing it because, just maybe, I can.

Julie

In Praise Of Technology

How cool is the internet!?!

OK, I realize that it's not exactly new, so this sounds kind of silly and naive. But once in a while I still marvel at what we can do - and what we take for granted.

I've had clients living in far-flung corners of the world - China, and now Africa. Through Life-Cise & the internet, I can work with clients via email or Skype. I also shoot personalized exercise DVDs for people. Now, normally I just mail the DVDs. But I recently had to figure out how to get a very large video file to a client in Africa because mail wasn't a good option. I'm not at all a tech queen, so I was totally amazed that it could be done, once I figured out how to do it. (the options for sending the file were limited because it was HUGE. A 50 minute video is a really big file.)

So, I repeat: how cool is the internet!?!

And besides, without the internet, I would never have developed some wonderful online friendships....

Julie

Exercise, Sex & Heart Attacks

There was news this last week about how occasional exercise and sex increases the risk of heart attack. If you missed it, you can read about it on the Life-Cise News page. Basically, a new study found a significant increase in the risk of heart attack and sudden cardiac death after moderate to intense activity - like exercise or sex.

This was reported by lots of news outlets. And once again, I'm bugged by the way the news was presented. In most of the reports I read, the focus was on the increased risk from exercise. What was often missing, or was relegated to the bottom of the article, was the fact that the risk was lessened for people who get regular exercise. In fact, the risk of heart attack after an episode of intense activity was lowered 45% for each additional day of moderate exercise the person gets per week.

So, the study was really talking about people who don't get regular exercise, but go out once in a while and shovel snow or play a tough game of basketball. The folks who get moderate exercise on a more regular basis were much less likely to have a cardiac event triggered by exercise.

I read the study as yet another reason to exercise regularly, not as a problem with exercise - that it can increase the risk of heart attack. We all sometimes have to do things in our daily lives that require intense physical effort. If we're in somewhat better shape from regular exercise, we're less likely to overstress our heart (which is just another muscle).

I just wish that more in the media would choose to present the findings in a more positive, helpful light. But I guess headlines of Sex & Exercise Cause Heart Attacks or Exercise Can Kill You get more hits.

Julie

Run, Julie, Run - Help!

I need your help! Suffering from serious lack of confidence. I posted on the Life-Cise Forum page that I'm feeling a big dose of freak-out about my race. Please stop by if you have any words of advice: http://life-cise.com/forum.

I told you I'd be turning to you all. I'm usually good with motivation,but I'm overwhelmed.

Julie

Run, Julie, Run - 1,2,3,4...30!

1,2,3,4...30. Thirty mile long run yesterday!

I admit I was feeling nervous about heading out on a 30-mile run. I'm not sure why I was feeling so nervous; I've been doing long runs each week in preparation for my 50-mile race. I've been logging in about a marathon a week. So why be freaked out by a few more miles?

But I was. I was wasting time getting ready, kept thinking I might put it off until tomorrow.... It was a lot like how I felt a few weeks ago when I finally did a 25-mile training run. I knew I probably could do it, but kept putting it off. Somehow really believing it eluded me. Of course, once I started I was fine. And I discovered that, yes, I can run that far.

So much of attaining any goal is mental! We can do all the prep work, practice, get ready. But often it's the hurdle of really believing, of trusting ourselves, that's the hardest part.

Granted, going out to run 30 miles really is kind of a big deal. If nothing else, it's a real commitment of time! But any goal, big or small, can have these little mental roadblocks.

How do you deal with them?

For me, there's definitely a certain amount of procrastination. I avoided making the jump to 25 miles for a couple of weeks. I wasn't feeling great, and the roads were bad because of snow, but really I was just making excuses. I kept falling short of my distance goals. The reality was that I was just scared, and I'm not even sure why.

I finally had to just kick myself in the rear. If I don't do the work now, no matter how scary it is, I will suffer on race day. COME ON, JULIE, QUIT WHINING & RUN!!

I just had to re-focus on my goal: I want to complete the North Face 50 mile Endurance Race in Bear Mountain! And a little extra prodding from my coach helped, too.

Once I got going, it wasn't so bad. I've been training hard, so it really wasn't that hard to push myself up a level. It was just my brain getting in the way.

And, once I pushed past my fears I had some revelatory moments - I really have made progress. There's a traffic circle inside Harriman Park that's around 7.5 miles from home. I remember just a month ago when I ran there the first time. It was my turnaround point on a 15-mile run. I was so relieved to finally reach it and head home, but home seemed so very far away. Yesterday, when I came to the circle on my way home, I thought, "oh good, I'm almost home now, not much further!" And earlier in my run I was just enjoying myself, feeling pretty good, when I looked down at my watch and saw that I was at 10.33 miles. I was feeling totally comfortable, not tired, just having fun - like I was just out for a little run - and it was already 10 miles. I thought back to last Fall when 10 miles seemed impossibly far for me. Progress!

Now, I'm realize that I'm running distances that any reasonable person would consider insane. But the fear, the challenge of pushing past our fears, is the same no matter what the goal is. When my goal was to walk to the mailbox after surgery, I faced the same fears, and got through it with the same determination. Regaining strength after treatment, losing a few pounds, running 50 miles - it's all the same. We can figure out what our bodies have to do to make it happen. But our brains are just as important. Keep focused on the goal and why it's important to you. And sometimes you just have to say, "come on!"

Julie

Rest Day

Today is a rest day for me. Yesterday was a very tough (and VERY EARLY) workout. I went to one of the Triathlon Club group runs at Asphalt Green. It was 75 minutes of speed drills (at 5:45AM!).

Ooph, tough workout! And I have a long run coming up - 30 miles this week.

So today I'm resting.

It's really important to rest. Muscles need rest. Without it, they become over-stressed and can be injured. And this is true whether you are training intensely (like I am right now), trying to get back into shape after some time off, or stepping it up a bit to get ready for summer activities.

That doesn't mean you (or I) should lay around and do nothing, though. In fact, that's not good at all; our muscles will just get tight and stiff. We're better off with active recovery - light activity. This allows our muscles to recover but keeps them moving.

Our muscles get strong by being stressed. But then they need rest to recover and affect the changes caused by the stress.

Therefore, give yourself a day between tough workouts. If you have a heavy training day (whatever that means for you), take it easy the next day. Go for an easy walk, do some light gardening, or maybe some easy stretching. That's what I'm going to do now - nice little walk and some stretching.

And tomorrow it's 30 miles - oh my!

Julie

Life-Cise Forum

I want to introduce you all to one of the features on the new Life-Cise website: the Forum page. You can ask questions or comment on other topics. I'm hoping we'll get some lively discussions going. It was important to me, as we redesigned the site, to add a platform that would make it easy for people to ask questions and share ideas.

Currently, we've got a discussion started about committing to goals. It's a topic I've been thinking about a lot over the last many months as I prepare for my big race.

I hope you'll stop by the Life-Cise Forum page if you have a question, or just for a visit.

Julie

New Life-Cise Is Live! (yea!)

Yea - it's finally finished. The new Life-Cise website is up. I'm pretty excited about it. It's been a lot of work getting all of this together, but I'm happy with the results. There are a lot of new features and information. I hope you'll stop by to check it out.

Julie

Run, Julie, Run - The Next Big Thing

2011 marks 10 years of survivorship for me. This is a big milestone, and I feel like it warrants something significant on my part. So, on May 7, I'll be running a race to celebrate 10 years of not being dead. It's one of the North Face Endurance Races, and it takes place in Bear Mountain Park - my back yard! They will run races of a variety of lengths. Since I'm hitting what feels like a really significant milestone, I'll be running a really significant length. Those of you who have been following this blog or Life-Cise on Facebook or Twitter know that I've had something big in mind for a while. I've been hinting at it. I've been training for it.

So here it is: I'll be attempting the North Face Bear Mountain 50-mile race!

Yes, that's right - that wasn't a typo. I'll be running a 50-mile trail race.

I know that probably sounds like an odd way to celebrate. I'm not even sure I can explain why, but it's something I want to do.

It is quite remarkable to me that I am able to contemplate doing something as crazy as this; that I'm even here to think about it. I had two aggressive tumors, with margins that weren't particularly good, and I had a high number of positive lymph nodes. I was very aware that my chances of long-term, disease-free survival were not great. I'm pretty sure that all the women I've known who had as many positive nodes are all gone now, as are too many of the people I've met along the way. I am keenly aware every single day how extraordinarily lucky I am to be alive and healthy 10 years later!

During the early days of my survivorhood (is that a word?), two aspects of my life took on greater significance: music and exercise. I worked (playing music) as much as I could during treatment. It felt like a gift to be able to go to work and play great music. I would be filled with such gratitude each time I walked out on stage.

The other thing was exercise. I don't claim that exercise saved my life; I had great doctors for that. But exercise helped to keep me focused and strong (or at least less weak) during the darkest times. What my body could do changed during treatment, but I always felt better when I got out and moved. Exercise, whether getting out into the woods, or going to the pool, even if I couldn't go very far or fast, was enough sometimes to remind me why I was fighting. And when I finished treatment - and instead of feeling like celebrating I just felt freaked out - it was exercise and the goal of returning to climbing that saved me. No, exercise didn't literally save my life, but it always kept me headed in the right direction - toward health and toward life.

It seems right, therefore, to mark this milestone with a major fitness goal. I've recently discovered that I love trail running, and have thrown myself into it. Since last Fall, I've run three trail 1/2 marathons, and my first attempt at a marathon - which turned into a 50K by mistake. I have no illusions about this race, though. This will be tough! With so little experience, I probably am crazy to attempt this. Yes - to all those people saying, "wouldn't it be smarter to start with a shorter race?" - yes, it would. But the remarkableness of 10 years calls out for something daring, something extraordinary!

Over the next couple of months, I will be excited, terrified, exhausted, freaked out, and so much more. I will be turning to all of you for encouragement and inspiration - I think I'm going to need a lot! Each of you who I've gotten to know through this blog or through Life-Cise have your own goals, your own struggles. No matter how large or lofty your goal - or how mundane, you inspire me. I know from my own experience that there is no athlete who understands struggle and perseverance the way that someone facing cancer does. So, I will be looking to you when I'm needing some help.

This may be beyond me, but I'm going to try. I know what it's like to not reach a goal. I've written before about goals and climbing. Years ago in Ecuador, I chose not to attempt a summit. I knew how hard the previous mountains had been, and I knew Chimborazo would be harder. I looked deep inside and knew I didn't have it in me - not that day. Running 50 miles in Bear Mountain Park is a huge undertaking for me, for anyone. I know how hard I had to train for the marathon-turned-50K. I know how hard that race was for me. Make no mistake, it was tough on me; I suffered. I had plenty of moments during and after the race when I wondered if I could continue toward this next big goal. But this time, when I look deep inside myself, I see more.

Julie